by Carl Massy.
I often think I am going to write a short newsletter, or tell you I am, but it rarely happens. So today might be a first for me, as my revelation was pretty damn simple (it happened in seconds).
Here is the background…
For a lot of clients I work with, a major thing on their shopping list of ‘Things I Want in My Life‘ is CONFIDENCE. “How can I have more confidence?” is a common question I am asked.
The practical things I usually tell them, to increase their confidence is:
1) Increase your level of COMPETENCE. The better you become at a skill, the more likely your level of confidence (in your ability to do something) will increase. For instance, if you want more confidence speaking in public, then find a good teacher, or read books on public speaking strategies, and incorporate them. The better you get, the more confident you are likely to become.
2) Dare to Suck. Be ok with being a bit crappy at the start of your journey to competence and increased confidence. It is very rare that someone is great at something when they first start. Most people suck when they first start something new. You are human like everyone else. So own that part of the journey (and relax about it).
3) Realise your brain is like putty in your hands. Your brain is like a muscle. Neuroscientists would call the act of the brain adapting to something new – neuroplasticity. So KNOW that you can get better at anything you put your energy and attention towards.
Then I might throw in some NLP anchoring techniques to condition the body to a new mind (a quote a borrowed from Joe Dispenza). This means they experience a different emotional state in the situation where they previously lacked confidence. Plus a bit of mental rehearsals thrown in for good measure and voila! On the way to confidence.
But then I had my very simple revelation…
(cue to cinematic ‘mystery revealing’ music)
I was recently coaching a group through the 30-Day Challenge, and one of the things I get them to personally undertake is to set an intention or theme for the 30-days; so they become more self-aware and intentional about addressing that particular aspect of their life.
So – not surprisingly – someone said their theme for the 30-days was ‘To increase their confidence’.
And then a thought bubbled to my mind.
I said to them, “How about instead of focusing on increasing your confidence, you actually focused on being more COURAGEOUS.”
My thinking was that most people flounder around the idea of what can I do to become more confident. I find for many people it is a bit less tangible.
Most people that I ask are quite clear about how and where they could be more courageous. They also have a sense of what this feels like. They know where to dip in to, in order to tap into this thing called courage.
Try for yourself. Is it easier (right now) to tap into confidence or courage?
Your courage has always been there. It is always there. Just like you have a beating heart – you have courage beating in your heart too. It is also in your gut, and in the muscles that make up your body, and the blood that pumps through your blood vessels. You can FEEL where courage is and collects in your body.
And here is the thing (well this is my hypothesis)…
WHEN YOU ACT WITH COURAGE, CONFIDENCE IS WHAT PEOPLE SEE AND WHAT IS EXPRESSED THROUGH YOU
Most people are after the ‘result’ that they feel confidence will get them. Don’t get fixated on the vehicle, get focused on what will give you the result you desire.
So try this…
Instead of losing sleep over how you can become more confident, ask yourself a better question.
HOW CAN I BE MORE COURAGEOUS?
You already know.
How can you be more courageous in your intimate relationship? You know already.
How can you be more courageous professionally? You know already.
How can you be more courageous physically? You know already.
How can you be more courageous being you? You know already.
I KNOW YOU HAVE GOT THIS.
Step 1: Know.
Step 2: DO. Now. No waiting for a ‘better day’.
You are born courageous. It is within you. It has always been there.
So time to use it.
(And when you do – you make the world a better place)
Want help with uncovering and processing some of your core limiting beliefs? Then get in contact. Just reply to this email or connect with me on Facebook or at The Practice. And for more in-depth training videos on coaching and traditional yoga, check out The Practice Online, which you can access a free 30-Day Trial, by clicking here.