by Carl Massy.
Today I will share with you the most common things I have observed over the last couple of weeks (and numerous years) that hold people back from having a more fulfilling, meaningful, abundant, and joyous life.
These are basics. Simple. Common. But they have an uncanny ability to take you off on a meandering path in the opposite direction of your amazingly talented, capable and incredible self. It does not matter whether all three apply to you or just one. The sooner you get on top of these, the better off you and everyone else will be.
Common Thing That Holds You Back #1: You believe the wrong stories
This is the most common.
And perhaps the most debilitating.
Most people I speak to actually think their thoughts are true.
They think their thoughts – that pop up from some deep region of the brain – are actual facts. They think because they became consciously aware of a statement in their mind, then it must be true.
NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH!!!!!
Most of the thoughts that ‘pop into our mind’ are utter nonsense. They are untrue. They are exaggerated. They are irrelevant. They are out of context. They are biased. They are small-minded. They are assumptions. They are applicable to the past, but not the present. They are not YOU.
THOUGHTS ARE NOT FACTS.
Thoughts are a desperate attempt (at times) for the brain to make sense of what the body is feeling. The brain thinks that if it can ‘explain’ something, then it has done its job of keeping us safe. Even if the explanation is absolute and utter RUBBISH!!!
Now of course, some of what the brain re-actively comes up with is useful. But think of thoughts as more GUIDELINES as opposed to facts or hard, cold evidence. The past does not equal the future. What worked in the past is not guaranteed to work in the future. They are Guidelines.
So what do we do with our thoughts?
- Crowd them out. Create your own thoughts. Be the master of the noticeboard in your mind. Plant your own seeds in the garden of your mind. Choose your own thoughts.
- Challenge your thoughts. See if the opposite might also be true.
- Increase your knowledge. This way you may become 100% clear that a persistent thought is definitely not true.
- Get playful with them. Ask them questions like: ‘Seriously?!?!?’ or ‘Do you think I was born yesterday?’ or ‘That’s interesting…’ or ‘Whatever!’ or ‘Thanks, but no thanks’ or ‘Do you actually think what was true for me when I was 10 years old is going to apply to me at 35?’
So…just because a thought popped into your head does not mean it is true, relevant or useful.
Use what is useful and ditch the rest as merely static electricity in the brain.
Common Thing That Holds You Back #2: You are reading the wrong lines
I know you are. I know you are capable of something 10 times greater than your best to date. We all are. We all have a lot more potential than we are bringing onto the stage of life.
But here is the challenge.
Sometimes we come onto the stage, and we are reading the wrong lines on the script. We are trying to play the character of someone else; thinking that is going to make us more likeable, successful, happy, etc.
Don’t do that!
Show up as yourself. Not the little version of yourself. But the big authentic imperfect version of yourself.
Show up as who you are right now.
Don’t assume that people would like you more if you were different from who you are. In a world that is vastly lacking in authenticity, trust, realness, and meaningful connection; there is a worldly need for you to show up as yourself.
Be authentically you.
As Brene Brown says: ‘Vulnerability is the birthplace of courage‘.
Be seen as you. The people you want to have in your life are magnetized towards people who are authentic. Who are real. Who walk the talk.
For more guidance on showing up as you I encourage you to check out Brene Brown’s work. Watch her TEDx Talk on Vulnerability first, or her talks with Oprah on Super Soul Sunday, then start working your way through her books. The first one being ‘The Gifts of Imperfection‘.
As Brene Brown says: ‘Be brave; show up’
(and I would add; show up … as you)
Common Thing That Holds You Back #3: The arrow is facing the wrong direction
What I am about to say might be a fact. I also might be biased.
I did study this thing called Neuro Linguistics Programming, so I might be overly fixated on the language side of things, but I also know the power of words.
Words are extremely powerful. They can help or they can harm. The right worlds can move millions of people. The right words can change the course of history. The right words can form a beautiful and loving relationship that lasts a lifetime.
Unfortunately I often hear people say things which increase their probability of failure by 100%. I hear people say words that increase their fear of failure by 100%. I hear people say words that turn a normal emotion, into a debilitating emotion with physiological and psychological effects. I hear people say things that repel opportunity, rather than attract it. I hear people say things that triple the size of an obstacle in front of them.
Words are extremely powerful. Choose them wisely.
So here are my hit list of tips when it comes to powering up your words and your results:
- Slow down the conversation (i.e. talk slower).
- Think before you speak (i.e. get conscious of your words and intent).
- Don’t exaggerate.
- Speak facts and reality.
- If you are not 100% certain, start by saying, ‘From my observation’ or ‘What I think is’ or ‘What I understand is’.
- Take a breath (or several) before you speak.
- Speak from your heart (it is often wiser, more calm, and more powerful).
- Be conscious of what you attach to ‘I am’.
Imagine how a wise sage-like man or woman would speak and emulate them.
Be wise. Speak with eloquence, grace and a desire to use your words to make the world a better place.
Today I delivered no lessons on rocket science. 😉
Today I gave you three simple reminders, of three powerful things that may be holding you back from your true magnificence.
3 things that you have absolute power over.
Choice of words.
Actively practice these three things, and I can guarantee you more fulfillment, joy, and success in your life.
And on that note let me end by saying that I am so grateful for the honour of getting to write and share with you what I have found on my journey into discovering what takes us forward and what often holds us back.
Wishing you all the very best and take care.