by Michael King.
Of all places to have a realisation or a moment of insight, getting your vagina waxed would not typically be one of them.
Don’t worry, I don’t have a big gender-related secret I am hiding from you, I’m talking about my girlfriend.
As I sat down preparing to write this article Hannah, my GF, walked in the door from the beautician smiling from ear to ear as she remembered that as much as getting waxed hurts she 100% chose to be there.
Hannah and I are both life coaches, and we went on to have an amazing fanny-fuelled discussion about our profession.
When she goes to get waxed she literally bares all of her self to the beautician, she becomes open, exposed, vulnerable and raw. She actually gives them permission to rip the hair right off, allowing and even inviting a temporary pain so that she can get the result she wants. As coaches we see this all the time, people actually pay us to take them into the most untouched and unexposed parts of themselves. They pay us to assist them in bringing what is hidden into the light of day so that it can be re-moulded or sculpted into something new. It sometimes seems counter productive to consciously choose pain and suffering – but as coaches and yogis we understand that it is the hidden aspects of the sub-conscious mind that rule us from the inside out and determine the majority of our behaviours, thoughts and beliefs.
Believe it or not there are people out there that would love to get fully waxed but aren’t prepared to deal with the pain. And believe it not there are also MANY people out there that claim to want to live a better, more fulfilling, freer life, but they aren’t willing to dive within and deal with the pain that holds them back, so they stay they same; mediocre yet safe.
You see, according to one dictionary definition, integrity means being in a state that is whole and undivided. When we run from our pain, reject our emotions or deny our desires we divide ourselves into numerous parts in order to up-keep an ego ideal that we have of ourselves.
To me integrity isn’t so much about upholding the framework of who you think you are with niceties, or sticking to some shitty sense of social morality, it’s about honouring the wholeness of who you are in this moment, and the next moment and the next moment after that. It’s about cultivating the courage to dive into the pain that precedes the pleasure, or in yogic terms, to embrace the whole cosmic dance of life, understanding that there is no revelation without first experiencing concealment.
And yes, you guessed it, there is no Brazilian without first experiencing some freakin’ hot wax.
Apparently, the first couple of wax strips are always the worst, and as the process unfolds, and the amount of hair minimises, it gets easier and easier, and less and less painful. Hannah also informs me that, at first, she can’t sit still or deal with the pain. But as she reminds herself that this is what she actually wants and decides to surrender and allow the process to unfold, it begins to actually hurt less. We both see this with clients too, their first big breakthrough usually feels the most painful and they flinch, squirm and try to avoid they very thing that they came to us to deal with!
Like Hannah they ask themselves why the fuck am I doing this?
And then the magic happens, they breakthrough into a sense of integrity; a feeling of being whole and united. This blissful moment is usually followed by a wistful laugh at all of the preceding drama, and a comment like – it was all worth it and I would go through that pain, or concealment, time and time again if it means getting to experience this revelation.
Becoming whole and united begins with first accepting and surrendering into the wholeness of who you are NOW. So go forth and bare your metaphorical vag, get raw and real, and remember, like the great poet Rumi once said “the cure for pain is within the pain”.